Although I do public relations for a living and although I share a lot about my life on this here blog, I'm actually a shy person and I don't like to be put into social situations. I'd much rather be with one friend, not a bunch of people. I'd much rather stay at home than go out. I'd much rather sit at my computer and read blogs and peruse Etsy and pin on Pinterest than dine with my office mates in the office kitchen. I'm not very good at small talk. I prefer to be a wallflower rather than the center of attention.
About a month ago at work, I was sitting in a conference room full of 40 of my colleagues. I got called out of the room for a phone call. Annoying. Annoying because I shouldn't have been called out of the meeting for what turned out to be something not urgent. And I didn't want to have to walk in front of everyone! I was embarrassed to have to get up and walk out of the room. I was even more embarrassed when I returned. Those shoes pictured up there? That's what I had on that day. And those little heels were causing me some issues. I don't normally wear heels. Sometimes I trip. Well, when I returned to the conference room I had to walk in front of everyone to get to my seat. I kept telling myself, don't trip, don't trip, take it slow, get to your seat, don't trip. Doooonnnnn't trip. Know what I did? I did that stupid roll-your-ankle-half-trip move. You know the one where you almost trip but you don't and you catch yourself but you've done an awkward almost fall move that you can't hide from? Stumble stumble. I was mortified! Absolutely mortified! And right after I did it, people started to snicker. Gah! They're laughing at me! My worse fear! So, in that split second where I could have peed my pants out of sheer embarrassment, instead I decided to laugh with them. I made a joke of it, exaggerated my trippy fall and got to my seat with a smile on my face. I was still very embarrassed, but I didn't feel like dying right there on the spot because I had made the best out of a stupid situation.
Since that moment, I've decided to work on being more assertive, to work on being less shy and to feel more comfortable, especially in social situations. I've realized that to make myself more comfortable in social situations, I have to get very uncomfortable first. I have to first put myself into social situations and force myself to be social to become comfortable in those types of situations.
I'm working on Operation: Social Wendy and so far it's going great. I'm not trying to become some vivacious center stage huge personality. That's not me. I mainly just want to have more self confidence and to feel comfortable in social situations, to foster friendships and relationships with ease.
I'm working on Operation: Social Wendy and so far it's going great. I'm not trying to become some vivacious center stage huge personality. That's not me. I mainly just want to have more self confidence and to feel comfortable in social situations, to foster friendships and relationships with ease.
I'm sure I'm going to stumble a lot along the way. As long as I can smile and laugh at myself, I'm doing OK.
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How do you handle yourself in social situations? Are you a wall flower or are you a chitty-chat pro? Do you have any advice for me? I always struggle with the opening line - what do you say to someone you don't know when you talk to them for the first time?
4 comments:
Ohhh I am so right there with you. I clam up in social situations. I'm the person who at the party is sitting in the corner watching everyone. When someone comes up to me all thought leaves my brain and in it's place is the repeating refrain, "what do I say what do i say what do I say"
Lately I've been making the conscious effort to make that refrain into "ask a question ask a question ask a question ask a question...) even if it's just, "How do you know (insert common friend's name here)" My problem is that I get tongue tied and forget how to move the conversation forward, If I'm reminding myself to ask questions then it moves, perhaps haltingly and a little awkwardly but it moves.
Laughing along is such a great way to get past feeling foolish when you stumble, either verbally or physically good for you for taking the first steps outside of your comfort zone!
UGH. I'm sorry about the tripping. And I want to punch the snickering person/people in the face.
I'm proud of your Operation: Social Wendy. It's not easy to try something that you're not comfortable with -- but there's value in it, for sure.
As a general rule - I'm talker. I tend to be the person in the group who instigates conversation with the sole purpose of having everyone chit-chatting before the end of the evening.
I have found that EVERYONE likes to talk about themselves. Yep, even shy people. I will either compliment someone, "Those are great shoes!" or ask a question. However, I've found that the compliment works the best.
Next, if I socially know someone -- but have only been introduced to them once or so (and if I remember that they have children) - I ask about their family.
EVERYONE likes to talk about their kids.
Update us on how this goes for you!
I love this post. I admire the way you handled the situation. Congratulations! What a great start for the new Social Wendy. I, on the other hand, would have just slinked over to my seat and sat there with a red face trying to be invisible.
I must say though, that I have come out of my shell a lot in the last few years. Maybe by the time I'm in my 60's I'll be the life of the party. :)
I'm enjoying your blog so much. I'm so happy I found it!
You and I posted about the same thing only days apart... http://shelftalker.wordpress.com/2012/02/22/hello/
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