If there's one thing I'm most scared of in raising girls it's the responsibility of nurturing their positive body image. I want them to be happy with themselves and who they are and what they look like, no matter what. And it scares me, because I see little glimpses now of things they're starting to think about.
One day, my 7-year-old Arlene weighed herself, and she asked me, "Mommy, am I fat? Because I weighed myself and I weigh more than the last time I weighed myself. It says I weigh 43 pounds." Uhhhh, I replied, "NO! You are not fat! You weigh more because you're growing, your arms are getting longer, your legs are getting longer and your head is filling up with all sorts of smarts!" She said, "OK!" and skipped along. But it scared me. It's not that I think she's concerned, because I don't, it just scares me for what
might be to come as the girls get older.
I try so very hard to emulate happiness with myself and my body shape and my face and my hair because I've got two little girls that mimic me in many ways. It's daunting. They're concerned about their hair (it has to look perfect every day for school!) and I let them wear eye shadow sometimes if we're just hanging out around the house or going to the grocery store, and they looove to get their nails painted. I'm not a girly girl to begin with, but I've become more girly with the girls. I'm a confident woman, most of the time. I try to convey that to them. But the truth? I'm not completely happy with my body shape as it is right now, but, I'm happy as a person. I had twins, I'm getting older, and I'm choosing to eat popcorn on the couch in the evening while watching TV instead of going outside and going for a walk. So, I'm heavier than I used to be, but, life has happened, and if I'm wearing the extra pounds of life, then I can't complain much because life has been pretty good. While I'm not always happy with myself, I try to not let that show to the girls. I want to teach the girls to be happy with themselves, no matter what their jeans size.
It scares me what sort of images will invade the girls' brains as they grow older and how those images will shape their own body image. They don't watch a lot of TV, but they are aware of popular culture figures. They play with dolls, they like the Disney princesses, and they play with Barbies.
Unattainable Beauty
Perhaps most disturbing is the fact that media images of female beauty are unattainable for all but a very small number of women. Researchers generating a computer model of a woman with Barbie-doll proportions, for example, found that her back would be too weak to support the weight of her upper body, and her body would be too narrow to contain more than half a liver and a few centimeters of bowel. A real woman built that way would suffer from chronic diarrhea and eventually die from malnutrition. Jill Barad president of Mattel (which manufactures Barbie) estimated that 99% of girls aged 3 to 10 years old own at least one Barbie doll.
That came from
this web site, which discusses media and the impact it has on shaping young girls' images. {It's an older article, but it's a good read.} Isn't that scary about Barbie? I played with Barbie when I was young, and I don't think I consciously tried to look like Barbie, but I
do remember thinking that Barbie was lucky because she had huge boobs, and I was a late bloomer. Arlene used to really like the princess mermaid Ariel, because she liked that Ariel had boobies and wore a bikini top! Lydia likes the princesses that have beautiful hair and beautiful singing voices. What if, when she gets older, her singing voice isn't the best? What if her hair (which IS beautiful!) loses it's luster and she dislikes it? Will the girls compare themselves to the imagery of the princesses that they liked so much? I'm not going to shelter them from playing with their princess dolls or from watching the princess movies, but, it does make me wonder what sort of body images those princesses are subconsciously telling them are "beautiful."
That same web site also quotes that the average model weighs 23 percent LESS than the average woman. Yet those super skinny women are what we see everywhere. It scares me! What can I do to teach my girls that super skinny is not healthy?
I want to do it right, to teach my girls to love themselves and their bodies. I have to keep reminding myself to not bemoan my own insecurities in front of them. To be happy with myself, inside and out, and to keep reminding them that no matter what, they are beautiful, inside and out.
If you have daughters, what advice can you give me? Is this also an issue with young boys?
